There were many of you, however you all will continue to haunt me in unindentical ways that have forever been burned into my heart.
I grew up with the constant belief that, despite what I had been told, people wanted to do good. And while I tirelessly looked for the best in others and found those buried, admirable traits that were constantly overlooked, it did nothing but rob me of my own decency and will to do good.
The heartache was far beyond that forgetful feeling that insists you let a commitment slip from your mind, but it’s the daily nagging of relentless anxiety and torture, forcing you to ask yourself “Why was I not good enough?” However, I have no apologies for how things ended. I was not good enough for you.
I’m not going to preach about how all of you missed out on an incredible girl, like many women often do in order to hush their insecurities and channel their emotional strength. In all honesty, a handful of you gentleman dodged a bullet. While it hurts to be loved for all the things you truly aren’t, it’s quite a new spectrum of pain to be disliked for what you are.
Perhaps I wasn’t the girl you were meant to settle with. It’s okay that you can’t handle, or perhaps dislike, my appetite for words and conversation. It’s perfectly fine that my pointless stories boil your blood, and I don’t blame you for loathing my corny jokes and overdone puns. I , without a doubt, am an acquired taste.
Thank you for breaking my heart and forcing me to dust myself off and hop back into the game. Although it was painful, humiliating, and all too familiar, this thank you is still in order. Because one day when I wake up next to the love of my life with his arm draped around my waist, my equally rambunctious kids sleeping quietly in the next room, and his lips gently meeting mine to kick start my day and indefinitely sweet talk me into making french toast (with my much deserved side of mozzarella sticks), I’m going to be more than grateful that I endured that emotional roller coaster and did not, in fact, end up with a boy who broke my heart.
I clearly dodged a bullet too.
Disclaimer: This does not excuse any of you from being asshole. Trust me, I remember.