A Boy Named… I’ll Never Know Because I Screwed This One Up

Since embarking on my new journey downtown, I’ve established a very simple routine that I personally believe is pertinent to starting my day off the right way. This effortless process involves visiting a cute bagel shop and casually ordering a bagel. However, the thought process as to which type of bagel I should order is a lot more complex, but I’ve fortunately formulated a permanent order of an everything cheddar bagel with an extra order of garlic cream cheese spread. Now, this order is not just a delicious breakfast compilation, the excessive amount of garlic cream cheese spread in addition to the hint of garlic and onion incorporated into the everything bagel serves as a great repellent for overly friendly, persistent city dwellers. This flawless (or so I thought) product of modern thinking had been a pungent smelling lifesaver! That was until this morning.

Up bright and early, I walked down Market and 11th Ave to this said bagel shop and ordered my usual concoction to satisfy my craving for what I’ve been told is the most important meal of the day. However, today, this meal would serve as the most embarrassing meal that I could eat. Upon being handed my treat, I left the shop and obliviously (most of my actions are) headed back up 11th avenue. I was more than focused on delving into this bagel when I noticed a very, and I don’t say that light, attractive man strolling towards my direction walking a very curious boxer.

Side note: I truly believe you can tell a lot about a man by the type of dog he has. Fortunately, this one had a decent sized boxer, which indefinitely screamed that, like boxers, he’s playful and loves having a good time. Score!

Naturally, like any single and attention needing woman, I gave him a coy smirk which he immediately returned! Yes! I was in! Although, we were walking to opposite destinations, this driven young lady decided to take a nonchalant detour and loop around the block to [hopefully] rejoin this classically dressed, Greek god of a man.
I timed my arrival to look extremely coincidental because the very last thing I wanted for this man to think I was stalking him, which, in a technical sense, I was. But it was all for a good cause!

I waited patiently at a remote crosswalk, eyeing my fresh, personably drafted bagel. As I delve nose deep into this creamy delicacy, I notice a familiar looking dog approach directly to my left. No more than five feet away, I make eye contact with the hunk of a man that I was in pursuit of. It was definitely not part of my plan to be caught in such a helpless action, but I quickly regained my composure by pulling that god forsaken bagel from my face and causally telling him “I’m sorry you had to see that. These bagels are just delicious!”
I had fully expected for his response to be something along the lines of him also confessing his love for bagels, but, alas, that was not the case.

“Yeah, I can tell. You have some of the cream cheese on your nose,” he says.

Absolutely mortified, I quickly and aggressively wiped my nose with the back of my hand and contemplated if I should laugh at the situation and hope for a good ending, or just run full force across the street and take the risk of getting plowed by a city bus. Just when I thought I had done the most damage to this situation, the man coldly states, “I hope that’s not garlic. That would be nasty.”

I was too far in. There would be no wedding bells for us at this point. Instead of explaining my brilliant strategy involving my daily choice of a garlic bagel to ensure my own safety, I accepted my defeat and sulked to Starbucks for a caffeinated pick me up. I needed it.
Lesson of the day: NO ONE likes garlic. But rest assured that a new strategy to dodge the crazy is underway. For now, I’ll stick with the bear claw.


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